Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
