Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
