Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
