Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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