He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
