I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
