she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
