His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
