I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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