listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
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Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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