dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm bleeding and have questions
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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