would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
