so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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