I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
