for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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