cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
