R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
