Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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