she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
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mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
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You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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