Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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