I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
