I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
two words: eviction party
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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