Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
