Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
