He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
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apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
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its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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