how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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