Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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