No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
