Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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