woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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