She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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