Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.