I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.