I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.