What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!