This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
