Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
did you just send me my own nude
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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