And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
