K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
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he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
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How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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