and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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