i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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