All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Alive.
So much puke
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
