Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it was like eating out sand paper
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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