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I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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