Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
