I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
