You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Semen is not good for contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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