I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
