At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
