He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
