peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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