I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
