i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
