I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Holy sore nipples Batman
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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