I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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