it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
