Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
