Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
