Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
