I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
