..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
