Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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